Briar Rose
by Nephele
Summary: A humorous version of Sleeping Beauty that I wrote for school. Please read and review!


BRIAR ROSE  
  
Long ago, "before Europe, but after London," there lived a good and wise king in the land of Benevolence. The king's name was Hugh, and he shared his large castle with the lovely Queen Madge. Hugh and Madge ruled over the land with love, as all kings and queens do. They were extraordinarily happy people, whether they were playing croquet with the villagers or waging war with the neighbors, they were always happy . . . until April, when Queen Madge's friends visited with their newborn baby.  
  
The Queen went wild with her jealousy. From that moment on, she made life miserable for the entire castle. Everywhere she turned, she saw babies- baby birds, baby animals, baby humans, and so on. The land of Benevolence did not have a harvest that year, because Queen Madge would not allow the "baby wheat" to take root in her kingdom. And she got her way, as all Queens do, for if the Queen's not happy, then no one's happy.  
  
The land of Benevolence turned dark and dreary, until one day in late February an announcement came that the Queen just had a beautiful baby girl. She had eyes the color of the bluest sapphires, and golden curly hair, and ruby red lips. They named her Briar Rose, for her colorful, yet natural beauty. And the villagers rejoiced, for the kingdom was happy again. The King and Queen decided to give a barbeque/christening to show how happy they were. Everyone was invited- the villagers, the farmers, and the merchants, even the old Lady Fao Leep who sold love potions and dragons teeth for 50 cents apiece on the corner of Vine Street.  
  
At the barbecue/christening, all of the residents of Benevolence came and presented their offerings to the Princess Briar Rose. One by one the merchants kissed the child on the forehead, and pronounced their blessings on her. Finally Lady Fao Leep stepped up to the child, and kissed her on the forehead, and started her predictions for little Rose's future…in perfect Chinese. The Princess squealed, and the Queen screeched, "She's cursing my child!" The guards swooped down and pulled the Oriental woman away from the royal crib, and dragged her into the hall. She was never seen again. The rumor among the villagers was that they sent her back to China. The curse also was banished from conversation, but not from memory.  
  
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Little Briar Rose grew up to fit her name. True to the merchants' predictions, she had grown up to be the loveliest girl in Benevolence. But also true to her name, she had the prickliest disposition known to mankind. She only had to mention a wish, when one of her parents or the many faithful villagers would grant it. But the fact that she was as spoiled as a pig was oblivious to all except the visitors that had come pouring in for her sweet sixteen party.  
  
It was the largest celebration the small country had seen for several years. Briar Rose had demanded the best food, the best entertainers (no boy bands for her! Puss-in-Boots and the Bluebird of Happiness were her choice), and of course, the best suitors. It was Benevolian custom that the girls got married at age sixteen – in this case, to a neighboring prince. This marriage would bring an alliance that would make her parents happy and powerful. These four particular princes each brought the Princess a solitary rose, but upon accepting the flowers, she unfortunately pricked her finger on a thorn. The pampered princess had never seen blood in her life, much less her own blood. Needless to say, she fell to the ground in shock where she hit her head on a large stone. The King and Queen immediately banned the four "evil scheming" princes from the land with promises of a war. All of the Benevolian doctors tried to awaken Rose, but it was no use, she was in a coma.  
  
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Two months passed, and yet the princess did not awaken. The only cheerful thing to do in Benevolence was admire the princess; she had only grown lovelier in her illness, one could say she was a beauty while she slept. But otherwise, the Benevolians grew disheartened. The land was neglected, stores went bankrupt, and the country was sure to go to a Depression if something didn't happen to stop it.  
  
The solution to that problem was a merchant by the name of Lyle Farley. On his next trip to the Orient, he brought back the finest silks, the most fragrant teas, and the best doctor in China- Dr. Jhung Tim.  
  
Dr. Tim had to fight many legal battles to get his license to practice in Benevolence, but soon he was able to go see what he could do for the princess. The King and Queen had listened to his speech with confusion, but seemed happy at the end, asking him odd questions about his country's treasury and defense system. At last, he was allowed to go work his "magic" on the princess.  
  
Her room was at the top of the tallest tower. The room itself was simple- a bed, a bureau, and a large golden mirror. But covering these items, were thousands of presents from well-wishing Benevolians. Dr. Tim could hardly see the floor or the princess from the stacks of drying bouquets, and stale chocolates. He would have turned back, except the king and queen were waiting for him to return successfully. It was then that he noticed the sounds of a light snoring coming from the center of the room. Picking his way carefully over to the princess, he had almost gotten there, when he tripped on one stray teddy bear and toppled over. In an attempt to stop the fall, he grabbed wildly at the headboard, missed and in the process slapped the princess right across the face. The strength of the blow seemed to do the trick. Immediately the princess sat up and started calling for her parents to "banish the creep who dared to strike her." Dr. Jhung Tim quickly sat up, and started to apologize…but since he spoke with a heavy Chinese accent, Briar Rose could not understand a word he said. He had told her that he was a doctor from Prinzechi, brought by Lyle Farley to fix her, yet in her attempts to understand his speech and wake up fully, she heard that he was a "prince brought by the Lilac Fairy to kiss her."  
  
King Hugh and Queen Madge chose that moment to burst through the piles of presents to announce that the wedding had been made ready for the couple, for they too had believed that Jhung Tim was a prince, when he explained his origins to them. The villagers had been summoned, and the same entertainers from Briar Rose's birthday (Puss-in-Boots and the Bluebird of Happiness) would perform for them at the reception. The princess and the doctor accepted the plans, although the princess was still pretty groggy, and who knows how much of the conversation the doctor understood?  
  
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It would be nice to say that they lived happily ever after…but that wouldn't be true. Although the knock on the head had done the Princess some good, she still was as selfish as ever. And then there was the language barrier- that was a bit of a problem. But of course, most of the Benevolians blamed all their problems on the fact that Puss-in-Boots ate the Bluebird of Happiness. This horrible event was blamed on that ancient curse placed by the Oriental merchant, Lady Fao Leep. And thus, the couple lived unhappily ever after.  
  
  
  
This story is my creation, based off of the tale of Sleeping Beauty. Please review! 


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